The 12 Phases of Burnout
We often talk about the later stages of burnout, the results, the exhaustion, the depression, the physical collapse. We don't talk so much about the thinking patterns, behavioural changes and phases prior to that.
In this short (20 min-ish) solo episode I share with you the 12 stages of burnout as coined by Herbert Freudenberger and Gail North in the early 90s and some practical real life behaviour or thinking you may notice for yourself or those you love. Take a listen to hear:
- what sets us up for burnout. When we understand the root causes we can go there to make changes vs cycle through the phases to burnout, take a month off to recover and then do it all again
- the phase most of my 1:1 clients stay in because they can't "afford" to collapse - they are often the caretakers and breadwinners and foundations for people who depend on them
- a little known diagnosis and term that may support you to get medical help and benefits (high functioning depression is not recognised as a clinical diagnosis)
If you recognise yourself here and want to chat through your support options please book a call using the 1:1 work with me link below. It sucks to feel anxious, overwhelmed and exhausted - know that you are not alone.
Prefer to listen to the podcast? Click here A conversation about the phases of burnout
Work with me - 1:1 coaching details
Hi lovelies, this is Maude, Women's Burnout and Leadership Coach. You're listening to the Work.Family.Me podcast, a series of conversations with women from different cultures and industries around the world about the behind the scenes of earning money, parenting, being in relationship and adulting all at the same time. Here we will discuss the challenges, ideas and support structures that show up in co-earning dual parenting situations and talk through some helpful strategies and mindsets.Why? So that you as a busy working woman can learn from others, implement what could make your life a little bit easier and share these with your family, friends and colleagues. We are at the forefront of working, parenting and relating in a totally different way to previous generations. And there can be so much value in validating this and learning with each other.
I'm so happy that you're here. Let's dive into the conversation for today.
Hi lovelies, this is a solo episode.
So me talking to you specifically about burnout and some phases towards that. So many of my hardworking clients that come to me in my individual coaching practice are somewhere on the slope to or in the realm of burning out.
And for them to have language around what's happening for them can be really useful to take them out of the questioning of what's wrong with me and start looking at their condition, their state, their thinking, their physical self as something that makes sense.
So I wanted to take a little bit of time today to go through the phases of burnout as they've been described formally. There are 12 of them, FYI, spoiler alert. To give you a little bit of information and examples around what might be driving, what might be thinking patterns underneath burnout, how you could be helping yourself, supporting yourself or your loved ones if you're seeing periods of prolonged chronic stress.
So my intention for today is for you to be able to walk away with some more comprehensive understanding of burnout as a process, a phase, some different terminology, some ways to position yourself and some ways to talk about it so that you could go to your coach or to me or to a healthcare practitioner and say, this is where I see myself. This is the kind of support that I need and hopefully move towards something that feels more healthy, more vibrant and more alive for you.
If we think about burnout, the state of emotional exhaustion, of collapse, mental or physical as the end result, we need to rewind to look at what's the beginning of that, what might have been the first phase or the seed or the beginning of thinking and behavioural patterns that lead to the state of chronic stress.
The first phase of the pathway to burnout is called different things by different researchers. Some people call it excessive ambition. Some people call it the honeymoon period.
Some people call it the compulsion to prove oneself. It's basically the thinking, the mindset, the desire that I need to show myself, I need to be seen, I need to be recognized, I need to be validated. I want to prove myself. So it's often marked by really high internal expectations of oneself. We can think about that in a work context, so working really long hours. We can think about that in a student context, expectations of high marks or putting pressure on self to study.
We can think about that even in a societal context of how do I look? How should I be looking? What should my life be looking like? What should I be representing on Instagram or TikTok? What will the neighbors think? So this desire to prove oneself or to please others or to show up as perfect, we can also describe as perfectionism or people pleasing or overworking. It's that thinking pattern that I need to be seen, I need to be perfect in all ways. I'm also thinking about imposter syndrome here of me feeling like I'm not good enough.I'm not as good as other people. I'm not as qualified as other people. That kind of underlying thinking starts the seed for working really long hours, doing extra, putting a lot of energy and effort into reaching expectations that we may have put on ourselves.
The second phase is working harder, increased effort. We maybe start neglecting exercise or things we enjoy or social activities because we're putting so much energy and effort into proving ourselves in whatever form that is in that moment. So now I'm at a point in this imaginary phase ladder towards burnout where I may have really high expectations of myself.
I may be pushing myself very hard in some area.
And phase three is that I'm starting to neglect my own needs. So my personal requirements such as sleeping eight hours or eating healthy food or spending time with fun people or exercising or time in nature.I'm not taking the time to do that because I'm so busy working towards whatever it is that is a priority for me. So maybe that is parenting. Maybe that is working. Maybe that is studying. Maybe that is relationshipping. Whatever it is that I'm trying to prove, I'm neglecting other pieces of health for that. One of the questions that I often ask my clients in our kind of intake or first coaching session is where they are with those things because that's such a good indicator of what needs to shift and change to provide the basic framework for health. So phase three is neglecting needs.
Phase four moves into I'm seeing some problems, right? I'm seeing some problems maybe in my health, maybe in my relationships, maybe even in my work-life balance or my colleagues or whatever it is around me, but I'm ignoring them. I'm not seeing them as problems. I'm thinking they're the other person's fault or they're down to environment or time or they're going to be passing. So I'm not able, if I'm on this path, I'm not able to say, you know what? I think what's going on is that I'm really stressed and I need to take some steps to change it. I'm just saying, oh, well, this is going wrong, but that's because of that. This is going wrong, but that's because of that. I'm getting headaches all the time, but that's not a big deal, right? I'm kind of ignoring my problems and that phase, phase four is called displacement of conflicts by some researchers. So there's conflict, but I'm not seeing that as something that's part of a whole, and I'm not seeing my role in that.
Phase five of the phases towards burnout is commonly talked about as the revision to values. So we start maybe moving away to what we thought was important in previous times or things that we enjoy doing or relationships that we enjoyed, and we start seeing different things as important.
Now that may be the case, and it may be something that you see that your values have kind of changed to make sense of your new behavior or to make sense of you proving yourself. And particularly when I think about work, that can be something that arises here, right? When work becomes the primary value, work becomes a way that we define ourselves, and we don't really know who we are outside of that. That can also happen in parenting, in motherhood, in being a wife, being a partner, that we don't see ourselves as a whole. We move away from the other pieces of ourselves and we kind of revise our values in line with that. (
All of these phases are menu suggestions, right? They're based on research and they may or may not feel true for you. So take what feels helpful and leave the rest.
Phase six is denial of emerging problems. So thinking that I can handle this. It's not a big deal.
This is going to pass. This is not a challenge for me. I know that I'm stronger than this.
So we're underestimating stress. We're underestimating potentially physical symptoms that are coming up. So many of my clients may come to me and say, you know, I'm getting recurring migraines, or I've had a yeast infection for three months, or I can't get rid of this flu or tonsillitis.
So their immune system is obviously compromised and has been for a while, but they haven't really kind of put that together with the amount of stress that they're under. It could also be ignoring things like not being able to sleep really well, or, you know, having constant stress in your relationship or being at the point where you are bursting into tears when somebody is dropping a spoon. So there are starting to be emerging stress symptoms, but maybe you're dismissing them as that's just the way life is, or that's due to something else.
So kind of an intensification of what we were seeing in the neglecting needs and displacement of conflicts. So more and more problems are emerging and the denial of that.
And then we may see withdrawal. We may see isolation. We may see relationships suffer. We may see starting to want to avoid relationships, want to avoid intimacy, want to avoid connections. So using scrolling, using work, using alcohol, using drugs for relief for some kind of moment and respite.
Phase seven is seen as the desire or the behavior around withdrawing. So looking at potentially withdrawing from relationships or isolating ourselves, not feeling like hanging out with people, saying no to things, potentially avoiding intimacy and connection by, you know, scrolling, Netflixing, alcohol, drugs, maybe not feeling like we want to see our friends. So social withdrawal and isolation.
That may be something that happens. With my clients and what I see in my experience often they are forcing themselves to go out and perform and slap a smile on their face, even when they feel like withdrawing. So there may be you know, the drinking wine every evening or the taking sleeping tablets at night or the scrolling instead of hanging out with their partner, but they're often going through the motions of socializing.
So that may display a little bit differently for you, but that's generally given as phase seven.
Phase eight, I talked about a little bit previously, and this is where we're starting to notice real changes in behavior. So irritability, mood swings, bursting into tears, flying off the handle into rage at something that feels quite small and insignificant if you would be looking at it differently on a different day. These changes can really strain professional relationships, personal relationships, and create that cycle again of isolation, of stress, of I wish I hadn't done that, of guilt, of self-criticism, of holding yourself up to another standard. So maybe there's a noticing of behavior change either in yourself or by other people, and they're starting to, you know, mention that or talk to you about that. That's given as phase eight.
We're then moving into feeling really low and feeling really blue. So moving into feeling disconnected with ourselves, feeling numb, feeling detached, feeling a lack of empathy, almost that phase of emotional exhaustion. So I've cared a lot for a long time, and I'm starting to feel alone, meaningless, lack of empathy,) numb or detached, and that's medically called or termed as depersonalization.
The feeling of numbness or emptiness as that persists is seen as phase 10. So feeling meh inside is the way I sometimes describe it to clients, right, of I don't feel joy anywhere. There's nothing that makes me feel excited.
Activities that once gave me pleasure or enjoyment, it doesn't matter. They don't provide any kind of spark for me. Some clients call it, you know, I've lost my mojo. I just feel like I'm dead inside. And that kind of phase, that kind of feeling, that kind of sensation in ourselves can often just feel just so tired, so wrung out, so nothing inside. There is actually a formal medical term for this, which is called anhedonia. I'll spell it out below in the show notes so you can have that as a reference because that is also a recognized medical condition. So if you're working with the healthcare practitioner and you're trying to explain how you feel, this is something that they'll be able to look up. Not everybody is familiar with the term if they're not, particularly specialized in burnout and stress management, but they'll be able to look it up and they'll be able then to maybe recommend or refer on for therapy or treatment.
We're then ending up in depression. So this is also something that you may have heard about in terms of, you know, depression, burnout, catchphrases that often go together. So those feelings of hopelessness, exhaustion, feeling trapped, feeling despairing, feeling nothing I do makes any difference. What is the point of carrying on? Maybe even having feelings of suicidal ideation. I don't know what I'm doing here. What's the point of life? Would it even matter if I'm here or not? So that is phase 11 and that's a really heavy, dark, shitty place to be.
And then the final phase, the culmination, the end point of fire and burn and ash is described as complete physical and mental collapse. So we're talking about maybe in the olden days, a nervous breakdown. We're talking about some kind of physical collapse, that kind of culmination of pickling ourselves in chronic stress hormones and high expectations and work over a long time and being stressed over years. Sometimes adrenal fatigue is setting in here. Maybe we're seeing, you know, huge symptoms in our bodies. And that's often where we are then potentially written off from work or we spend some time recovering or we have a month's vacation or we go away by ourselves for a girls weekend.
Those things can all be useful and they don't cure the underlying thinking and behavior patterns that take us into burnout, right?
One thing that I also want to really recognize here is that so many of the women that I work with in my one-on-one burnout prevention coaching practice never get to that phase of complete physical and mental collapse because they almost can't afford to, right? Some of them are single parents. Some of them are breadwinners. They are business owners.
They are senior in organization. They may be caretaking for parents. They feel like they can't collapse and their minds are so strong. Their bodies are so strong that they often override physical problems, mental problems, and keep on bouncing around almost phase 11, phase 10, phase 9. So they're feeling depressed. They're feeling empty inside. They've got some underlying or maybe recurring physical health challenges that they're maybe taking a bit of time off or that they're coming straight back in.
So I also just want to put it out there that if you have not collapsed, if you are still whole and walking around and functioning, but you are feeling at the end of your tether, you are feeling exhausted, you're feeling empty, you're feeling wrung out, but you're still able to function. You're still able to go to work every day. You're still able to make lunchboxes.You're still able to possibly even go to that dinner and put a smile on your face.
People often don't see the extent of the chronic stress that you're suffering under, and that's what's called high functioning depression. So often the kind of people that I work with probably will never get to the point of collapse, and that's a double-edged sword because often when we're at the point of collapse, we can't go on anymore and we have to shift things, change things, accept help, look for support, get support, invest time and money into our health.
And so that can be a real point of reset.
But when we can't collapse because we are caretaking and providing, often what I see in my experience is that women don't give themselves the time and the attention and the money and the focus and the recognition and the validation of their emotional state. So they start seeing this inner emptiness or this depression or this kind of physical way of being or the fact that they're not sleeping or their mood changes as that's just normal. That's just the way that I am right now.
And so my plea for you is that if you're sitting somewhere here in this kind of depressed but functioning state, know that this is a place where you too can get help. This is a place where you can turn towards somebody and say, look, I'm actually suffering. There's something going on within me. Know that you are not alone, that there are so many women like you, humans like you in the world right now that are struggling, that are comparing themselves to other people that have really high internal expectations and that are just really, really exhausted. And there are things that can be done.
So I work with this all of the time in my one-on-one coaching practice. You're welcome to have a look at the link below in the show notes or wherever you're listening to this to see my one-on-one coaching program.
If you don't want to work with me, please just still reach out, send me an email, and I can put you in touch with other burnout prevention coaches, other resources, doctors, therapists, medical practitioners, nutritionists
You are allowed to get help in feeling empty, feeling blue, feeling like you don't want to just drag yourself through day-to-day. You want to experience moments of joy, moments of niceness, moments of relaxation, and you've maybe just forgotten how, or you don't know how, or you've never learned how. That is also a valid reason for reaching out and getting support.If we think back to where we started, we talked about what is that seed? What is that germination? What is the starting point to burnout? We talked about the thinking pattern of proving, pleasing, saying yes, wanting to achieve. All of those things can be beautiful things, right? All of those things can really work well for us, can lead to great things, and they can have that flip side and that shadow side of setting in the conditions for working super hard, neglecting ourselves, ignoring our problems, starting to feel a little bit lost and really coming into that withdrawal if we don't stop and readjust every now and then.
This is an invitation to you to take stock of where you are now as you listen to this conversation, as you listen to this episode, and think about what's required for you to start making some changes. And I say that like it's easy, but I know that for so many of the women that I work with, setting boundaries, identifying who they are in that moment and what brings them joy, starting to move away from feeling like they have to go above and beyond in order to be accepted, be seen, be recognized, being able to say no to people. All of those things are processes, and they take time.
But where can you make the tiniest little tweak to protect your health, protect your joy, protect your values, protect your breath, your sleep, your eating, all of those things that can give you that healthy foundation?
Thank you so much for sharing time and space for me today. It's been lovely to have this conversation and share a little overview of burnout that you may or may not have access to before. I'll put some resources down below in the show notes and wish you a beautiful day from here on out.
I love having these conversations so, so much. Thank you for being here, for listening to the Work Family Me podcast. If you want to connect with me in real life, I would love that.
You can find me on LinkedIn, and I will put the link for my profile below, so you can just click on that and connect with me. See you out there.