Caregiving and breadwinning in Australia
Allison Wimalasuriya is an Australian woman in her thirties who works part-time in the corporate world as a manager of employees, deadlines, and clients, studies pilates, parents an active toddler, exercises every day and is in an intercultural marriage. Hmm. How do these things fit into a life?
We discuss routines, exercise, the real impact of maternity leave, both on women now and what that might mean for our future earning and career possibilities.
We also talk about different relationship patterns in terms of overworking or what happens in the domestic sphere.
We discuss:
a wildly helpful way to approach who does what in our day-to-day lives
the common theme of support amongst working mothers and how to integrate it into your life
the real-life career and financial impact of maternity leave
the results of overworking and exploding
practical and useful tips for managing a household in partnership
Prefer to listen? Click here for the podcast A conversation about caregiving and breadwinning in Australia
In this conversation, I sit down with Alison all the way across the world. She is Australian, married to a Sri Lankan with a toddler and a job within management. And we talk about routines, exercise, the real impact of maternity leave, both on women now and what that might mean for our future earning and career possibilities. We talk about different relationship patterns in terms of overworking or what happened from the domestic sphere. We talk money. We talk all the things. I'm so grateful to Alison for her honesty. For her perspective on working her questions around career that she shares with us.
And I think you're going to get so much value, um, around perspectives and thoughts that you can take back into your life and possibly check your own patterns or check where you're at in terms of where these things are landing with you. So thank you, Alison, and let's dive into the conversation.
Hi lovelies, this is Maude. Women's burnout and leadership coach. You're listening to the work family, me podcast, a series of conversations with women from different cultures and industries around the world about the behind the scenes of earning money, parenting, being in relationship and adulting all at the same time.
Here, we will discuss the challenges. Ideas and support structures that show up in co earning dual parenting situations and talk through some helpful strategies and mindsets. Why? So that you as a busy working woman can learn from others, implement what could make your life a little bit easier. And share these with your family, friends, and colleagues.
We are at the forefront of working, parenting, and relating in a totally different way to previous generations. And there can be so much value in validating this and learning with each other. I'm so happy that you're here. Let's dive into the conversation for today.
So, Alison, we are talking to each other from two places across the world, two time zones. Evening my time, morning yours. Could you briefly introduce yourself? Where in the world you are, what your work is, and what your family situation is.
Yes, yes, hello, uh, my name is Alison, uh, I'm currently located in Brisbane, Australia, so it's 7am my time, uh, not so early as some would think, haha, we are very up very early in Brisbane.
Uh, my current situation is that I'm working as a part time [00:03:00] immigration manager, so I'm Uh, and also part time mom. So I work three days a week and the rest of my days are with my son Makala, who is two. Uh, and my husband and I currently, uh, living with my mother, um, because we've just moved to Brisbane. So it's a bit of a full house at the moment, but we've got a bit of support there, which is really nice as well.
I love how you're saying part time this and part time that and kind of surfacing that there's work either way, right?
Yes, yeah, exactly. I feel like maybe the parenting is like the full time job and the work work is the part time job.
Yeah. I have that experience so much with my clients where work is almost the easiest part of the day. You know, it's the thing that they can get through. It's the thing where they can check off to do lists. It's the thing that they know how to do. They know what good is.
Yeah, exactly. Exactly.
So when you think about a regular week and you think about I'm doing some work, I'm doing parenting, I'm potentially also exercising, I'm moving to a new city, how does that work with you and your partner?How do you bounce that around?
Yeah, so I suppose, um, it's something that, you know, has taken a little bit of time to coordinate and get right. Um, because we both really like to exercise and we both consider that, you know, a real priority. Uh, and then also just sort of sitting in work, uh, and, you know, spending time with family. Uh, so we have a pretty strict routine where, you know, I, I go to a 5am class, come home, swap, he goes to a 6am class, then, um, Because I'm working sort of three days, I'm only doing two full days, but I sort of can split my hours up during the week. So I do a couple hours of work in the morning, then before my husband starts work, uh, and then it's sort of the full on day with my son. And then, yeah, in the afternoon we sort of try and go for a walk, you know, then the sort of after work routine as such, uh, and then sort of like trying to be in bed early to sort of start all over again the next day. So, uh, it's, uh, it's got to be a pretty tight schedule. I know, um, you know, we're in this sort of balancing one child at the moment, but, um, between, trying to fit in my work around my husband's work because we don't currently have child care. Uh, it can be, it can be pretty difficult, uh, but we sort of made it work and made it sort of balanced enough at the moment that we can fit in a bit of exercise around it as well.
It sounds like there's a lot of, um, switching and being mindful of almost, um, quote unquote it.
Um, yeah, no, it's definitely trying to make things fair, um, for, you know, both my husband and myself trying to sort of put in, you know, Sit in both work, exercise, work, uh, and also, yeah, just kind of balancing that family life, making sure that you're having enough time with each other outside of, you know, trying to get, you know, work and exercise and all of those sort of life things.
You know, just even cleaning the house and everything, trying to get everything fit in. Um, that's why I think for us, it's sort of having that strict routine during the week so that we can kind of then enjoy ourselves over the weekend and actually relax a little bit.
You'll hear women talk about routine or schedule over and over again in these conversations. And what they often mean by that is almost a predetermined who does what when kind of timetable. And that can be [00:07:00] so wildly helpful when we are holding different contexts or we are switching in between work, family, friends, me, health, extended family. Because it means that we spend less time deciding, what am I doing now?
And when we are saving our energy and our brain budget, and we're not needing to make that decision every single day or every single week, um, we're able to plan and we're able just to get into the habit of getting up and doing that thing. This is the time that I exercise. This is the time that I see my mother.
This is the time that I have meetings and it just becomes default. And then we can save that decision. Precious mental and emotional energy for decisions or situations that are coming up off the cuff. So, so many women that have been part of these conversations that have a really dedicated exercise practice, just make that sacred, they make that something that they get [00:08:00] up and do at a certain time every single day.
And that is untouchable. And the same with many other things within their schedule, right? This time is for family time. This is when I go and see my clients. This is when I. You know, do whatever practice is when I see my friends, it feels much easier for them to hold all the different pieces in my life when they've almost got a place to go and we're not magically waiting for time to open up.
So if that feels helpful for you to go and do. To maybe think about how are you going to block time or protect time? What do you regularly do? What are you spending your time deciding over and over again? And can you make that a little bit easier for yourself by just pre deciding? This is How it's going to happen, and obviously things will change, life happens, we all know that, but having a baseline routine for the times where we're handing a lot can be wildly helpful.
So was that [00:09:00] something that you spoke about before having a child?
No, we, yeah, we, um, we had plans to have children and it was, it sort of did come as a little bit of a surprise, the timing for us. Um, we're very blessed in that point, but it's not, yeah. And even throughout my pregnancy and things, it wasn't sort of something that we discussed. I think we sort of had no idea going into what it would be like having a child to be honest. Um, and we also had some. uh, family sort of emergencies that unfortunately happened during my pregnancy as well. So it sort of took away from the focus of the pregnancy and we had to concentrate on what was sort of happening in our broader family.
So we kind of just, you know, it's kind of all sort of muddled together us following, you know, the birth of our son and he, he actually was, um, six weeks early. That also was a bit of a surprise, um, and didn't sort of go to plan. Um, but yeah, I think we've sort of [00:10:00] recovered, um, enough to kind of, yeah, get, get a plan in place which is also, you know, been difficult whilst, you know, we were living in, we were living in, um, Melbourne last year. And sorry, um, we were living in Melbourne last year down the surf coast and, and moved from the surf coast back to Melbourne, um, Melbourne back to Brisbane. So sort of trying to maintain a routine between sort of moving from Melbourne to Brisbane and we've been a bit back and forth, um, over the sort of last six months, um, has been a bit tricky as well. So. Uh, but we're so lucky. We have a lot of family support.
So living with my mom has really helped for this point in time until we sort of can find our own place. And then in Melbourne, we've got my, my husband's family who, um, we sort of lived with on and off during, during COVID as well. Um, sort of brought us closer to them, but, um, them being retired could help out a lot during those transition periods as well.
One common theme that people have mentioned when I'm having these conversations is support, either support from family or support from friends or support that they're higher in because it just is really difficult to. be out there money earning, to be taking care of a body, to be taking care of a house, and to be taking care of children, like all at the same time. It's like three different jobs.
Yeah.
When you think about your biggest challenge in maybe the context switching or the things that you're holding at the moment, what would you say that those are?
Some of the biggest challenges sort of can be, I suppose, as well, like, even though you have that [00:12:00] supportive family, also kind of living with family for longer periods of time can also be a bit challenging as well. Um, and sort of not having your own space, um, but then sort of, yeah, it's the flip side.
You have that support. So, um, yeah, it's, I don't know that the other, I guess, also, then, um, the other challenge that I'm sort of experiencing at the moment is sort of this limbo period, um, of, you know, having, you know, Had a child, been part time work, also considering having another child and sort of not being able to really progress in my career, but then also having that guilt of I should be enjoying this time with my son, you know, with how young he is.
Um, and then sort of, you know, on the, on the other, like when Makala was first born, you know, my husband and I were probably on a, [00:13:00] on par salary, you know, in positions. And then since he was born, you know, my husband's just been able to jump, jump, jump, you know, up, up positions, up salary. And I'm kind of just plateaued.
And, you know, there's parts of it where I'm like, well, you know, I, I don't, you know, work is not my priority anymore. You know, my son is my priority now. Um, but then, you know, sometimes when you're, you know, on the flip side, you kind of considering your career and you're like, well, you know, that's probably missing out on, you know, could be five plus years of where I could have potentially, you know, been progressing in different areas, um, within my career.
Um, so yeah, it's something that, um, I go back and forth on. I think, you know, I have those days where I'm like, okay, yeah, loving this, you know, sun is my priority. Um, work, you know, can go by the wayside. And then there's other times where I'm like, really just want to be able to focus on work. Um, so yeah, I hope that I'm not sure if that [00:14:00] answers your question.
So it goes through my mind at the moment. And I suppose what a lot of. females feel at this sort of, you know, period of their lives. Hundred percent. And we can see the data around that, right? Of what happens in terms of promotion? What happens in terms of visibility?
What happens in terms of money earning potential and how it's not true for men becoming fathers, right? So for women becoming mothers, that's a real, there's a real impact there in terms of. financial well being or career progression, but for men becoming fathers, that isn't the case. And that is a difficult thing to look at.
Absolutely. And I'm very lucky in that my husband fully recognizes that, um, and is sort of fully supportive of whatever I want to do, but I don't think men can fully understand and feel like what we go through during those years [00:15:00] of sort of stopping work, focusing on children, that mental load of, you know, that we get out of both working and being the primary carer, I suppose, um, So, yeah, I think, yeah, although he's supportive, I just, yeah, it's a really hard one to, um, yeah, I guess, put into words that, that feeling that he goes through and, yeah.
Was that a conscious, um, decision? Was it ever an option for your partner to be the primary caregiver and you to go back to work full time?
Um, it was certainly a discussion that we had. And, uh, I think. At the time I did want to be the primary carer. Um, and I still, I still want to be that primary carer. Uh, and I think in the, at the time I was sort of like, you know, hopefully we can have two children, maybe I'll be the primary carer the first time around and he could be the second.
You know, he could do it the second time around. You know, [00:16:00] that's sort of fair. Um, but now that I've had a child, I don't know whether I could, you know, if we have another one, be that, not be that primary carer because I've sort of had that closeness. Um, and also now, because I suppose, you know, my career has sort of plateaued, um, and my salary hasn't really jumped.
Yeah, he, he's the breadwinner, you know, now, so if he was to be the primary carer, then we would suffer. financially because I suppose, you know, your salary goes up, your, you know, your lifestyle goes up. So, um, I just don't know if that idea would work next time around now. Um, so yeah, it's interesting that some, he was, he was sort of fully open to it, but again, like financially, um, it just probably wouldn't, wouldn't work, unfortunately.
So.
Questioning or raising of the real impact of career interruptions like maternity leave and how that continues to have an effect and result practically in our lives. So Alison is talking about taking time off for maternity leave. And how in that time that she's taken off, or she's taken maybe a step away from work, she's working less, her career has plateaued, and her partner has continued to advance.
So, the partner may now be earning more money, or may have a bigger job title, different responsibilities. Because they have continued working. And so that now has an effect when you're thinking about, well, if I'm having a second child, how's that going to be? It makes it maybe more difficult to switch around and maybe one needs the money from the higher income job coming in.
And what [00:18:00] we're seeing in these career interruptions is that they widen the gender pay gap for women. So we're already starting off, often earning less than men in the same occupation. And then we're having gaps because we're taking maternity leave and maternity leave that may or may not be paid depending on the country that you're working in, which again, lowers the contribution to things like pension plans or retirement plans.
And, um, when we put that together with a longer life expectancy for women, we can see a real financial penalty. not just at the time of having a child, but ongoing throughout that. So there are so many studies and pieces of research coming out at the moment around the gap in earnings and how having children impacts that.
Um, Claudia Golden just won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2023 for her, um, work around this. Um, [00:19:00] she's got a book out called career and family. If you feel passionately about this and you want to go and check it out. And in real terms, I would advise you if you're preparing to, um, Have children or if you're thinking about this, either in a career situation or with your partner to maybe have conversations around maternity leave cover.
What, what benefits are you still receiving during that time to check paternity leave options? So is your partner able to take time off? Is that something that you could share between the two of you? Checking what flexible work involvement might look like if you are intending to come back to work after having a child and having real and honest discussions with your partner around the impact of taking time off in your career and in your finances, both now and for the future.
So it sounds like the theory and the conversations and the ideas and then the practice and the nitty gritty [00:20:00] and the money and what's happened in the meantime. really changes things, right? And I think that's what we see. We're looking at the socioeconomic dynamic of, you know, we can talk about equity or equality or progress, but actually the fact is things are changing or things move on or there's a money issue here.
And if that's not supported through all levels of an organization or a company or a society, it's very difficult to reenter a workplace or for both partners to have equal time with a child or a workplace.
Oh, definitely. Definitely. Um, and just I guess a further comment on that, you know, it's quite interesting, you know, I think the way, you know, Australians perhaps are is that they're sort of more maybe open and progressive to that. Um, my husband is actually, he's Sri Lankan. And so he comes from a culture where, you know, the men work and the females are at home looking after [00:21:00] the children. So, you know, In that respect I guess I'm also really lucky that he is quite progressive in that respect, and, and would have been open to that because that's certainly not something that, you know, his parents, or friends, or friend's parents would ever have been open to.
So I think, yeah, it's interesting to sort of like throw that cultural piece in there that, you know, there are also, differences across the world and what those sort of gender roles typically are. Yeah, there are generations that we come from and what we see as normal and how we then play that out, either consciously or subconsciously. If you were my client, I would challenge lucky and say good choice.
So thinking about money, um, and this is often a hot topic when we have two partners working and two partners caring and two partners spending money. How do you do finances together? How does that work in your [00:22:00] family?
Yeah, it's a really good question. And something actually I was speaking to some friends about recently because, you know, everyone does it differently.
There's no right or wrong way, I think. Um, and yeah, I think for us when we first got together, you know, everything was fully separate. Um, and then once we got married, then at that time we sort of pulled things together. So, you know, we've got a joint account where, um, you know, Most of our savings are in our joint account.
Um, and that's sort of also where, you know, we might, you know, um, have joint expenses to maybe like sort of entertainment stuff or like groceries, um, any expenses for our son. Um, but then we also do have our personal accounts where, you know, our. own expenses are coming from, whether it's like mortgage costs or, um, phone bills, um, health insurance and things like that.
So it's, I guess it's a bit of a mix that we [00:23:00] have, you know, that joint income, that joint sort of money, but we also have, you know, our own salaries going to our own accounts and then we sort of contribute to that joint. So I feel like, yeah, it's not sort of like either one of us has full control over the other's finances.
Uh, it's sort of equal, um, obviously not equal salaries, that's definitely in different amounts. But, um, we still have that sort of, you know, joint account where, um, anything that, you know, it's not like one is paying for one thing and one's paying for the other, if that makes sense.
It does make sense. And I guess a kind of a technical question here is what is the amount that you put into the joint account worked out on percentage of earning or what?
Yeah, it's, it's sort of like we put money, yeah, but our incomes go into our personal accounts. And [00:24:00] then we sort of, I guess we know how much our monthly expenses are. And then whatever is kind of left over, then sort of goes into that joint account. We do leave sort of buffers in our account for anything that sort of may come out or, um, you know, maybe a bit of spending money or whatever it is. If you're going to buy a new piece of clothing or whatever it may be, um, be, and then sort of, I guess, the remaining of that money goes into that joint account.
And so money is one hot topic. The other hot topic is who's doing what, when, in the house. Doing dishes, who's doing laundry. How has that been working in terms of parenting, doing work that's paid, and then doing work that's unpaid within a household? How do you execute that?
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Um, and like I said early on Jill, like, you know, that parenting that in that primary care is that full time, [00:25:00] 24 7 jobs.
So that you're not getting paid for. But, um, coming like with that, I think for me personally, this really doesn't go far for the people, but I feel like I, I like to have control of the household, um, and so, you know, I do the washing most of the time. If I, you know, there'll be the odd occasion where I might hang it out, but majority of the time I'm sort of doing the washing.
I kind of control the, you know, What we're eating for dinners and shopping lists and things like that. Um, as for cleaning of the house, we do sort of split that up. Um, so, you know, whether it's one of us does, you know, the floors or bathrooms or whatever each week. So we do definitely sort of split up cleaning of the house majority of the other household, uh, tasks probably fall on me, um, particularly anything to do with our son. Um, you know, getting him enrolled in childcare this year, taking him [00:26:00] to inductions, um, his food, uh, clothing, washing, et cetera. Um, yeah, most of it would sort of fall on me. And even, even probably like, even though the cleaning we split up, it's still sort of me instigating that.
So, um, it's definitely like, Um, we've definitely had issues about it in the past. I think I probably take on too much of that sort of mental load bit, um, that I struggled to let go, um, for sure in that respect. So I'm kind of just, um, uh, I struggled, yeah, I just struggled to let go of that stuff. So I think we've just both come to the agreement that that's sort of my area and he, he's probably more like controls, I guess, like budgets and things like that and, you know, whether there's any sort of like administration stuff that needs to be done, um, he sort of covers off more maybe on that, those sorts of things. So I think in a way it still is split up.
Letting go of control of like the organizing, planning, the doing, because you feel like you want to have it done to a certain level or because you're worried that it doesn't get done otherwise, or. Tell us us more. 'cause I feel like this is something that so many people struggle with. And by people I mean women
Yeah. . I think it's both actually that it maybe won't get done or that it's not done to a certain, um, standard. Yeah. Mm-Hmm. .
And have those been conversations of like, when I say pack the dishwasher, this is what I mean, or have has that not got to the point where it feels like it's useful to go into the nitty gritty?
Um. I don't think so. Um, I think, you know, to be truthful, like completely honest, um, [00:28:00] I'm not great at having those, you know, those sorts of conversations about the nitty gritty. I'll probably just blow up about it over time. Um, But yeah,
I guess that sort of just comes with, you know, I'm just taking on that mental load and then realize, like, then it's sort of getting to you later on, but you're like, wow, I am taking on too much. I'm a bit stressed. And then sort of, yeah, um, it all comes out. But yeah, it's something definitely that I'm working on. Hmm.
Well, thank you for the honesty, because I think so many people can relate to that. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. It's a little bit. I take it on. I do it. I don't say anything. And then I get to the point where, you know, someone puts a peanut butter spoon on the counter and it's like, in the end of the world.
We definitely know that's happened. It's so welcome. Put your hand up in the air if you know this pattern of overworking, taking a little bit more [00:29:00] on, little bit more on, little bit more on without letting anything go or delegating anything and then getting to a point where you've got so much on, you're feeling so stretched, somebody asks you for something or something small happens and you just explode, either you are angry shouting or you're collapsing in tears and people around you are like, Oh, what's your problem? Everything seemed to be fine prior to that, right?
This is such a common pattern that I see in my one on one clients as well. And that's overworking and exploding and what that also does is it can often build resentment within a partnership where when women are taking on a lot of the invisible labor or the quote unquote quote small things around the house or little jobs because they think they know them or they can do them quickly or.
They did them before, or they're used to planning and organizing. And then they're, they're suddenly looking around and they've got all of these tasks and [00:30:00] responsibilities and decisions on their shoulders. So that often feels really heavy, um, to hold as an individual. And it can also build a pattern of resentment within the dynamic and resentment often shuts down intimacy.
It shuts down connection. Um, it starts feeling cold or bitter. In between the two of you and and often doesn't feel hot. It doesn't feel sexy, right? So it can feel silly to have conversations around how to stack a dishwasher or what is meant by a clean kitchen counter or on Where the socks are kept so that everybody knows where the socks are.
It can feel like a waste of time, especially when we're busy people, but it can often give other people the opportunity to really step up and help us. It can give the opportunity to, um, create that sharing of household responsibilities between partners or [00:31:00] between children, between a family. And that's really nice.
It's really nice to feel like we're all working together. We're collaborating and it doesn't all rest on your shoulders. So if you can set some time aside to think through where you might need to make your work visible. Where might you need to decide on standards, right? How do things look? What is meant by, for example, a clean kitchen?
And where can you then experiment with assigning that out, letting other people own that, and you stepping back? I know, easy to say, difficult to be in, but really worth it. Your long term mental and emotional health to take time to share that load and cut that pattern of overworking and then exploding.
When you think about, um, generational patterns, cultural patterns, you're talking about coming from different places, maybe. Um, with that, what did you grow up with? Did you see your [00:32:00] mother working outside the home? What, what was that like for you as a, as a daughter and a woman?
When we were, when we were sort of born and young, um, my mother stopped. So she was stopped working. She was the primary carer, um, probably until we were maybe like a couple of years into primary school. I think she was probably at home with us. Um, and then by that point, she had started studying to become a nurse. Um, so then from there, would have probably still been in primary school, she had started sort of working full time again.
Um, so yeah, and ever since then, she's been working as a nurse. Uh, so I guess it's a bit of a mix. She wasn't like sort of fully home during, until like we left home. Um, she was kind of there in the early years and then, um, once we were kind of like in school then. you know, she started a new career, um, because she was working, you know, in a different career before.[00:33:00]
Um, she had us, um, but I suppose, you know, it had been so long since that, that she decided, okay, it's time to start something different now. So yeah, both of my parents were working, um, my father is a tradie, is what they call them in Australia. Um, so yeah, both of them were working full time by the time, you know, we were in school. You know, mid to late primary school.
And did you see your father doing dishes and cooking food? Like, was he active in the domestic area?
Yeah, I think probably Not like 50 50, um, definitely not 50 50, but he certainly was active in that area, you know, he would be helping with cleaning the house, he would cook occasionally, um, you know, as for those sort of other items, my mom was sort of more in control of the finances and things, you know, that sort of stuff, um, [00:34:00] but he certainly sort of was involved, um, Maybe more like 20 25 percent of the household sort of stuff he would help out with. Definitely the outdoor stuff, he would be more doing, you know, mowing lawns and things like that. Mm. Yeah.
You talked about going to the gym in the morning at five o'clock, which I'm still kind of digesting. What else do you do to keep yourself healthy and well, um, as you balance and hold different facets of your life?
It's a really good question. And it's hard to think about. Because as you kind of go through life, you realize that, oh, you kind of, and this is something I'm realizing recently, actually, because work has been crazy and, um, you know, I've got a lot of sort of other stuff on my plate as well. Um, I've sort of, I've [00:35:00] started studying to do a Pilates reformer course where I can sort of teach that.
So that's, you know, I'm studying, trying to study for that in the background as well. So yeah. Um, I guess that maybe is for me, you know, doing that study to do something that I'm sort of a bit passionate about. Um, otherwise, you know, I see friends when I can, um, but there's not, you know, anything sort of, I guess, outside of, you know, exercise and seeing friends that is sort of like, just, yeah, for me, if that makes sense. Um, and I don't know what that would be. I don't know what I'm kind of, you know, or what it should look like, if that makes sense. You know, what is time for you really? You know, is it going for a massage or? Is it reading a book or, yeah. Um, yeah, I don't know. . Yeah.
And it almost feels like we get sold an idea of this is what self-care is, or this is what self-care looks like, or this is what you [00:36:00] should be doing. And I know that a lot of my one-on-one clients are like, that doesn't feel good for me, or It doesn't feel fun, or it doesn't feel nourishing, or, or, I'm punishing myself even more because I'm not. Having a relaxing bubble bath, or whatever it is. Yeah. And it's kind of like another thing to whip yourself with.
Yeah. And, yeah, that's exactly it. I kind of feel like anything that I'm doing that's away from Makala, I feel that guilt come in. You know, even if I go to an exercise class that might be longer than usual, or I go to an extra exercise class, or, um. I, or I'm late home from work or whatever, it's kind of like, Oh, that guilt starts to kick in and I shouldn't be doing this.
Like I should be at home with him, you know, spending time with him. So. I think, yeah, doing anything outside of just exercise or whatever, I would, I would struggle to enjoy probably at this point, and also feeling like, you know, and again, being [00:37:00] truthfully honest is, you know, having that guilt of, oh, you know, is it fair that, you know, my husband's looking after him for this amount of time and, you know, I should be, you know, looking after him, you know, I should be, you know, You know, fair, the amount of time that we're away from the home doing things for ourselves.
Uh, so that certainly is on my mind as well, even though, you know, he doesn't make me feel guilty about it at all. It's still just, yeah, plays on the mind.
It's that tit for tat kind of time, right? Of like, yeah, really weighing up every minute, every hour of who's here, when, and what feels fair.
Absolutely.
As a family, do you have any planning or organizational tools or time that you make leave for, like, is there a regular routine that you do or do you sit down once a month and plan or is it just more on the fly?
We used to be really good at those sorts of things. Um, we'd have like a monthly relationship [00:38:00] check in, sort of, which we'd sort of go over those sorts of things. But now. Um, yeah, we've sort of gotten a bit slack with that. I think the tools that we're using at the moment, um, particularly with our schedules is just a shared calendar. So anything that kind of pops up goes in the calendar. Um, and that's kind of our way to kind of track what's, what's going on in the next month.
And, you know, oftentimes we will, you know, have a, like a quick conversation maybe over the weekend, okay, what's going on for the next week. Um, or it might be the night before, you know, what's going on tomorrow. Okay. Um, so do sort of try and check in like that, um, when we can, but it's probably not, you know, um, as planned out as we'd like it to be.
Other things I suppose, you know, you know, shared shopping list or whatever, how it makes life a bit easier as well, or, um, yeah, different, I guess, different, using different sort of apps to kind of keep organized. [00:39:00]
And so give us all the apps you've talked about, shared shopping list, you've talked about a shared calendar. Anything else you find super useful that people can be going away and downloading with ferocity?
Yeah, it's a good question. I can't think of anything else right now. I think it's mainly really that that shared calendar. Uh huh.
Well, message me afterwards if there's anything else that people could be using.
Yeah, I will. I will. I feel like we used to probably use more and be better at it as well, but it's just, yeah, that, yeah, life gets in the way.
And so, in closing, what would you say you're most proud of in yourself as you study Pilates, as you parent a two year old, as you work part time, earn money, keep your house clean, and go to the gym? What do you want to celebrate?
Um I think for myself, like, I think [00:40:00] I like that I can remain to be organized, even though, you know, and be able to exercise is probably, you know, exercise has always been such a priority to me. So I think I'm proud in that I've never sort of dropped the ball on that. Um, you know, I've remained consistent, you know, it doesn't matter sort of what kind of exercise, I've sort of just remained to be active, um, you know, since having Makalal and I know for others, you know, it can be a bit of a struggle to kind of keep that consistent.
Um, you know, whether it's, you know, finding the time or having the support that allows you to do that. So, I know that I'm really sort of, um, blessed and lucky and that I do have, you know, a husband that supports that, you know, I have family around that I can call upon if, you know, I need to get out and go for a run or something.
So, I think for me, yeah. I'm probably most proud that I can sort of remain consistent in that. There's definitely other parts of my life that I'll lower down, but. That's the anchor. [00:41:00] We're focusing on the good stuff.
I'm almost speaking to women in two camps.
One are like exercise is my way of grounding and running and without it, I can't function. And then we've got the other camper saying, when things get stressy, exercise is the first thing to go, right? Like, that's the thing that's going to fall by the wayside. What allows you to really protect that time where you are moving your body?
I think it's having that strict routine. So we've, we are members of, um, what's called like a body fit gym. I'm not sure if you've got that over there, but it's a big sort of franchise here. And they have multiple classes a day, um, where you sort of just like go turn up and they tell you exactly what you do.
So I think. that makes things easier. You know, we're having that routine where I'm like, okay, I just get to the class at five o'clock. They're going to tell me [00:42:00] exactly what to do. They mix it up every day between sort of like strength or cardio. So I'm getting, you know, I'm covering those sorts of bases, um, or, or with Pilates as well.
I kind of turn up, they tell me what to do. Don't have to think about it, which takes a lot of pressure off. I think if you're joined to just a gym where there's sort of no classes maybe available, you kind of. I don't know, for me anyway, I would turn up and be like, I don't know what to do, like, and I would just start to avoid it, um, because I don't want to have that extra thought of, you know, what do I do today here?
Um, so I think that for us makes it really, you know, it makes it a lot easier. And also, like, I think having a partner who also, you know, prioritizes It's that active lifestyle as well, um, you know, cause we can sort of, you know, push each other to keep it up. Hmm. Hmm.
Such a good point about the decisions and making it easy for your brain, right? When we're, [00:43:00] when we're adding so many things to so many people all at the same time, the one thing, the more ease you can create, the easier it is to stick to it.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anything else you want to add before we close out?
No, that was, yeah, that was a lovely conversation, so thank you very much and I hope some of what I said sort of resonates with others that, you know, we're all In it together, it's kind of just a day by day, you know, balancing between, you know, work, family, exercise, cooking dinner.
We're all struggling, but you know, it all works out. Thank you so much for your time. Thank you for taking the time. And hi, little man.
Uh, I love having these conversations so, so much. Thank you for being here for listening to the work family, me [00:44:00] podcast. If you want to connect with me in real life, I would love that. You can find me on LinkedIn and I will put the link for my profile below. So you can just click on that and connect with me.
See you out there.